Thursday, September 1, 2016

I fought my way out of the glass valley.

"Wish That You Were Here" by Florence + the Machine

Friday, April 1, 2016



Yesterday I viewed a decaying body for the first time. In my mind I saw the grey chest simply caving in and flooding with dusty driftwood. But that is not the point.

I've been trying desperately to record everything - the funeral mass service, the small family moments during the reception, all of the testimonies of friends and family - but I cannot be everywhere at once, plus I am exhausted. I thought the death day was long; then I thought the whole weekend was long; then I thought the week was long. Now I know that every minute will be long for a long time and everything before now was a very short time. And I am so tired.

I can't get the last vivid memories of my uncle out of my mind. I had just come home after being away for a few years. We were lounging on couches while my grandmother tinkered in the kitchen. We were exchanging conclusions of our despondent regrets. "My Mari, my Mari," he bemoaned. His lost love.

Now he is dead and there sits Maria in the church pew sobbing, unable to say anything to him now. Unable to go back.

Life is short. There is nothing beyond. There is such thing as too late: when we die, which could be at any moment. These are the thoughts I am left with as I watch the sad parade of mourners in disbelief trying to bargain with their denial, reliving every memory in a spectacular orgy of oration. It is futile now. It didn't have to be. It doesn't have to be. For love.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Pictures

I smiled at our pictures because they were happy
But my heart broke
Thinking
I took a picture of you 
when I could have kissed you

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Lure a Lie

Beware, beware
The cat who denies milk
She covets it most

Our daughters, I saw it
Were to heal and sew and roam and roam
Homegrown

And with your flesh
Beware, beware
You'll make a monster
She'll be spite incarnate

Our daughters, I saw it
Were to heal and sew and roam and roam
Homegrown

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Haiku 1

I've never wanted
Any THING
That is the whole point

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Monday, November 10, 2014