Every day I wished He would walk through the door, but He never did. I chose the military so that at very least, if  a decision has been made and He's no longer mine, I could spend (give) my life to protect Him. But training would be near Him. And I didn't want Him to think that I hunted Him down. I had no home to go to. So I ran away.

 

"Infinite Arms" - Band of Horses

“No One’s Gonna Love You More Than I Do” - Band of Horses

 

"What the Water Gave Me" - Florence + the Machine

 

"Never Let Me Go" - Florence + the Machine

"Over the Love" - Florence + the Machine

"My Boy Builds Coffins" - Florence + the Machine

"No One Is Alone" - Bernadette Peters

Dream - He was screaming. The slobbering, maniacal sound an ice pick against my adrenaline-frozen brain. “I’ll fucking do it!” He cried.

“Don’t. Just put the gun down! Please,” my friend pleaded. “Look at her! She’s already seeing the light.”

I had closed my eyes. Before, terrified and scatterbrained when I had first seen Him burst in with tear-stung eyes and that silver gun, Where the hell did he get that? I had thought. Now, seeing down the barrel of the inevitable, I let go and closed my eyes and felt light, lifted. For a second, I thought I really could see the “light.” Where usually you close your eyes and there is only black, it was very bright—almost yellow. I suppose I was “ready,” whatever that means. Then I felt the presence of death shift from me. I opened my eyes and saw Him redirect the gun toward His own head.

“No,” He sputtered. “I won’t kill her.” The shot ripped me awake.

"Gloomy Sunday" - Billie Holiday

"Heavy In Your Arms" - Florence + the Machine

"Rabbit Heart" - Florence + the Machine